Domestic Violence: Walking Out of The Darkness
你在她身边,你久等三个for the light to change. She pushes a strand of long hair behind her ear, and you notice discoloration along the side of her temple. A bruise. As your eyes trickle down, you can see another blue blemish decorating her neck. Her skin is blotched in blues and purples, a macabre painting of violence. “He’s probably beating her at home,” you think to yourself, shaking your head. You now see her sprint ahead of you, the two figures getting swallowed up into the sea of commuters. As you make your way through the bustle of the city, you wonder, “Why doesn’t she just leave him?”
Sometimes when we see a movie on domestic violence or watch documentaries, we only see half the story. In the beginning, the woman dates Mr. Charming. He’s perfect and suave, winning smile and manners. What could go wrong? Later, the man transforms from prince to beast, the opposite of a fairytale. She runs away in desperation from the monster, the husband who now beats and abuses her to no end. Mr. Right on the outside, tormenter on the inside.
Or, maybe you watch a documentary that shares a story about a family murder that stemmed from domestic violence. It’s tragic and sad. You ask yourself, “If only she got away.” However, what we don’t see is what gets a woman to the point where she feels she has no choice but to stay in an abusive relationship. We are quick to pass judgment, eager to blame the victim. Rarely do we look in a mirror and realize that the victim could be you.
通常，有警告标志。他占有欲，控制，快速愤怒。但是，有魅力，爱情，溺爱，机智。他举办了恭维和礼物。你形成了美好的回忆，坠入爱河。不好的剧集遵循“抱歉”和“我会改变”。在你知道之前，你爱上了一个操纵你的人，控制你。他从朋友那里剪掉你。他确信你辞掉工作，在经济上依赖于他。你在哪里转？ Where do you go? Now, you are trapped, embarrassed to tell anyone, and yet afraid to stay in the dark. Domestic violence is often a privately held secret.
So, whatisdomestic violence? Domestic violence is defined as abuse, emotional and physical, between two intimate partners. Typically, one partner will try to control the other with fear. The abuser’s goal is to gain benefits at the expense of their partner and do as they please. They gain unlimited access to their partner’s time and attention, maybe taking their money, taking their labor. If they control their partner perfectly, they keep their partner from betraying them, cheating on them, and get to make endless demands on them. The abuser gets everything while the victim is preyed upon. The abusers feel as if this is the only way to have a relationship. The abuser feels he is entitled.
The more isolated and abused the victim, the more power the abuser has over them to do as they will. If the victim grew up in an abusive household, she might not know what a healthy relationship looks like, believing that this is the best she could ever get. Many people don’t understand what real love feels like – supportive and respectful. And so the cycles of abuse continue.
Once the victim removes themselves from the abuse, what happens after? Does the victim slide back into a different relationship with a different abuser, falling into yet another cycle of abuse? How do we help not only the victims but the abusers? How do we enlighten abusers to the damage that they inflict on other people and get them to break out of their toxic patterns?
The underlying factors are complicated. Mental health, former familial abuse, narcissism are all factors at play. Therapy and spiritual healing can all help abusers and victims through their internal suffering. In addiction programs, people turn to a “higher power” to guide them out of addiction, saying the Serenity prayer to get them into the right mindset of recovery. A mystical change occurs when you turn the unseen presence flowing in your life and turn it into faith.
女人在红绿灯处等待她的孩子。你接近她而不是说什么。“女士，你还好吗？”她看着你疯狂，几乎生你的生命侵入你。你告诉她在街上的家庭暴力避难所，并询问你是否可以以任何方式帮助她。她打破了，透露她需要拨打电话并借用手机。她的丈夫把她的所有沟通都赶走了。她拨打，你等她。她完成后，她把你放在手机里。你指着她的避难所的方向，她走了，她的步骤更轻，姿势更直。 Helping yourself out of the dark is one of the hardest things to do. Sometimes we need a friend to light our way.
This guest post was authored by Cece Reeves
Cece, who also happens to be working as an Urgent Care Nurse in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, wroteThe Breaking Pointafter having had her own past personal experience with domestic violence.